Funny ISIS Jokes

They’re the worst people on the planet, so why not mock ISIS with jokes about the Islamic State? These awful people are severely confused about the world we live in, committing horrendous acts of violence in the name of something they don’t even understand. What can we do if we’re not going to fight overseas? Well, we can makes jokes about ISIS having sexual relationships with goats, their stupidity, etc…These are the funniest ISIS jokes we’ve seen or written, but please add your own joke in the comments if it’s not here. Check out some of our other funny jokes lists, like Donald Trump jokes and Hillary Clinton jokes.

ISIS Riddles

Q: What’s the most important part of a joke about ISIS?
A: The execution

Q: Have you heard of what ISIS has been doing in the Middle East?
A: I won’t beheading that way anytime soon

Q: How does a redneck use ISIS in a sentence?
A: I hope the ISIS frozen enough for us to fish on

Q: Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children’s hospital?
A: I dunno, I just fly the drone…

Q: How did Isis move from 5th wanted terrorist group to the most wanted terrorist group?
A: They cut a head

Q: What do you call a dead member of ISIS?

Q: What do little miss muffet and ISIS have in common?
A: They both have curds in their whey

Q: What’s the shortest organ in a goat?
A: An ISIS member’s penis

Q: What do you call it when ISIS soldiers run for cover?
A: The 100 meter Daesh

Q: What does the CEO of Keurig have in common with ISIS?
A: They both hate the French press

Q: Have you heard about ISIS’s new inflatable sex dolls
A: They blow themselves up!

Q: If ISIS started fighting with North Korea, who would win?
A: The rest of the world

Q: Did you hear about the ISIS comedy open mic tonight?
A: Every single comedian bombed really hard

Q: Did you hear anonymous declared war on ISIS?
A: Kind of ironic that they’re now being attacked by 72 virgins

Q: Did you hear about the woman who tried to join ISIS?
A: I heard jihad a bad time

Funny ISIS Jokes

ISIS and Christian Man

An ISIS member was performing a routine traffic stop looking for infidels, and stopped the car of a Christian couple. “Are you Muslim?” asked the ISIS member. “Yes,” replied the Christian man, “I’m Muslim.”
The ISIS member says, “If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.” The Christian man recites a random verse from the Bible, pretending as if it’s a verse from the Quran. “Ok” the ISIS member finally says, “you can go.” After the drove away, the man’s wife says “I cannot believe the risk you just took. Why did you tell him that we are Muslims? If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us.” “Don’t worry,” said the husband, “if they knew the Quran they would not kill people.”

ISIS vs Badass Marines

A large group of ISIS fighters in Iraq are moving down a road, when they hear the voice of an American from behind a sand dune- “Hey you bastards! One Marine is better than ten wimpy ISIS fighters!”

The ISIS commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over to the sand dune, where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes. After a minute of silence, the voice calls out again- “One Marine is better than one hundred of you ISIS scumbags!”

Furious, the ISIS commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and a huge gun fight breaks out. After 10 minutes of battle, there is again silence, until the voice calls out again,“One Marine is better than a thousand ISIS fighters.”

The enraged ISIS commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible fight is fought … then silence.

Eventually, one badly wounded ISIS fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, “Don’t send any more men … it’s a trap. There’s not just one marine over there….there’s two.”

A German Man, A Swedish Man, and an Israeli  Man Are Kidnapped by ISIS

“Listen up infidels,” says the ISIS member, you have on last with before I kill you.”

The German pleads for mercy, “Germany has always embraced your people, what have I done to deserve this ?” After no answer, he deicdes he wants sausage and a good beer.

Next, the Swedish man screams at the top of his lungs, “Have you no humanity !? Sweden has fully welcomed your traditions and faith, why would you do this?!”

After no answer he finally says he’ll have a nice fish.

Finally, the Israeli yawns and says to the ISIS member, “I don’t anything from you, I just want you to kick me in the ass.”

Furious with his reply, the ISIS member kicks him in the ass. The Israeli gets up, turns around, and kills the entire ISIS group. Shocked, the German asks,”Why did you ask him to kick you in the ass?”

The Israeli replies, “If he didn’t, you would’ve just said I started it..”

Three women- a blond, a brunette, and a red head, are all about to be executed by ISIS

The red head was up first. Right before she was going to be executed she yelled, “TORNADO!” All of the ISIS members took cover and she escaped. The brunette was the next in line. He followed in the red-head’s footprints and this time screamed “SANDSTORM!” The gullible ISIS members again ducked for cover while he escaped. The blonde thought to herself, “This is going to be easy. These people are idiots.” The blonde stood with a smug look on the shooting block while the ISIS leader roared, “Ready…Aim….” The blonde yelled, “FIRE!”

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