Funny Donald Trump Jokes

Whether you love him or hate him, you can’t help but laugh at these hilarious Donald Trump president jokes. Although many thought the idea of the Donald being president was a joke itself, he is actually making quite the formidable run in 2016. Below we’ve included riddles in a question and answer format, as well as some longer jokes about Donald Trump that you’ll definitely get a kick out. Is the best Donald Trump joke you’ve heard not on this page? Please tell it to us in the comments, and we’ll add it along with a mention of your name for sharing it with us. Some of these Trump jokes are a bit dirty, so read them all before sharing with someone.

Donald Trump Riddles

Q: If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives?
A: America

Q: What’s the difference between God and Donald Trump?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Donald Trump.

Q: How’s Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans?
A: Juan by Juan

Q: What does Donald Trump tell Obama supporters he’s trying to win over?
A: Orange is the new black.

Q: Wanna hear a racist joke?
A: Donald Trump

Q: What happens when Donald Trump takes Viagra?
A: He grows taller.

Q: Why does Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese?
A: He wants to make America grate again.

Q: Why does Donald Trump secretly want to lose the election?
A: Because if he wins, he’ll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood.

Q: What’s 18 inches long and hangs in front of an assh*le?
A: Donald Trump’s tie

Q: Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have?
A: The Trump card

Q: America is going to suffer if Donald Trump becomes president
A: You could say we’re going toupée for it.

Q: What do a thong and Donald Trump’s toupee have in common?
A: They both barely cover an assh*le.

Q: Why did Donald Trump cancel his trip to Israel?
A: He realized they already have a wall and fear of Muslims.

Q: So Donald Trump wants to be president and move into the white house. Why not?
A: It wouldn’t be the first time he pushed a black family out of their home.

Donald Trump President 2016 Jokes

Trump and Bathroom Breaks

Donald Trump recently called Hillary Clinton “disgusting” for taking a bathroom break during a debate. Trump himself never has to go to the bathroom, as the sh*t just comes straight out of his mouth.

Donald Trump and the Elementary School

Donald Trump is visiting a local elementary school, and stops by one of the classrooms. The class is in the middle of a lecture about words and their meanings. The teacher asks Trump if he would like to lead the discussion on the word “tragedy.” Trump obliges, and asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and says: “If my best friend who lives on a farm got ran over by a tractor and died, that would be a tragedy.” “No,” says Trump, “that would be an accident.” A little girl raises her hand and offers: “If a school bus carrying 20 kids drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.” “I’m afraid not,” explains Trump. “That’s what we would call a great loss.” The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Mr Trump searches the room for another student to participate in his discussion. “Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?” Finally at the back of the room, little Billy raises his hand. In a quiet voice he says: “If a private jet you were riding in was struck by a missile and blown up, that would be a tragedy.” “Excellent!” exclaims Trump, “That’s right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?” “Well,” says the boy, “because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”

Credit: JayKay80

Hollywood Walk of Fame

A swastika has been spray painted over Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Police say it’s impossible to tell if the act was committed by Trump’s opponents or supporters.

Trump Helps With Earthquake Relief

A big earthquake with a strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hit the Middle East recently. Two million Muslims died and over a million were injured. President Trump, wanting to help as much as possible, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

Donald and the Pig

Donald Trump and his chauffeur are driving on a country road. Suddenly, a pig runs in front of the car. The chauffeur has no time to react, and runs over it, giving it instant death. The chauffeur stops the car, gets out and looks around. He spots a small farm-house in the distance. Donald says to his chauffeur, “You should at least tell them that you’ve killed the pig” The chauffeur does as he’s told. A couple of hours later, the chauffeur stumbles out of the farmhouse, covered in lipstick kiss-marks and a bottle of champagne in each hand. As he stumbles to the passenger side window, Donald exclaims, “Jesus, what did you tell them?” “Exactly what you told me boss: Hi I’m Donald Trump’s chauffeur and I’ve just killed the pig”

Credit: PhiSiKa


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